that's what I believe in
My mission in life is yet to be complete. I will never be a perfect mom, daughter, sister, wife, or friend, so right now,
my main mission in life is learning to love and accept me for me, and to remain a loving parent to the two son's the ex-hubby and I
brought into this world.
The powers that be say: Personal trauma secondary to PTSD.
I aint gonna lie, this entire process of filing for compensation and pension is taking me to a place I really don't wanna be. I'm positive my hesitation in filing is due to wanting to forget the incidents in Germany and at Ft. Knox. The examiner was surprised and impressed with my relocation of events. See, with me, when things of personal nature such as this take place, I record them events and can recall em back just like total recall. Anything that deals with the shifting and changing of my emotions, I can remember very well. I remembered everything that happened to me in Germany, I mean right down to the incident of me trying to take my life….
The ride to the hospital in that yellow ambulance was unforgettable; sometimes I can still feel the EMS attempting to keep me conscious and awake. A few words in Dutch here, a few words in English there. I will never forget being laid out on that bed and seeing them bright lights and surrounded by folk in white, nor will I forget the process of the doctors stuffing that long tube down my throat.
Time after time, I am asked, why did you do it? And my reply: I wanted to go home (Back to the States). I had grown tired of the distance and being away from home. My spirit was restless and the unwanted advances from the males within my unit overwhelmed me to the point of no return. I wanted to die. I wanted the men to leave me alone! I wanted freaking respect! Respect me and my privacy, respect me and my body, respect the word NO!!!!!
When it comes to men, I am aggressive with regards to my space. If I extend my hand in attempt to provide some space between us, you better acknowledge it! If not, I will not hesitate to lock and load…That, "click-click" sound be music to my ears! I figured if the military was willing to train me in the area of marksmanship, I was going to take advantage of it. So much for, I am locked, cocked, and ready to rock! HOOOAH!
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